


Stranger than Phandom

by FlOrangey, SeasonalTea, vivvav



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Gen, Stylistic Suck, in-universe fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-04-22 10:05:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14306364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlOrangey/pseuds/FlOrangey, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeasonalTea/pseuds/SeasonalTea, https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivvav/pseuds/vivvav
Summary: Ryuji finds a fan zine of Phantom Thief stories and artwork. When he sits down with his friends to read it, the end product is less than flattering.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "Stories" were written by Vivvav, FlOrangey, and Hureno  
> Artwork by Hureno, SeasonalTea, ReiDa, and Sachi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This series of short stories was written to advertise our charity zine The Crimson Compendium:  
> https://crimsoncomp.tumblr.com/
> 
> The zine wishes to bring awareness to the Joyful Heart Foundation, an organization dedicated to aiding those who have suffered sexual assault or domestic violence. You can learn more about it here:  
> http://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/

**2/26/2017 ☀  
** **SuNDAY Evening**

“I can’t believe you had a shoot all the way out here, Lady Ann.”

It was after dark at LeBlanc. Akira was pouring a cup of coffee while Ann sat at the counter and Morgana — despite Sojiro’s repeated instructions — sat on the counter.

“Yeah,” Ann said, “it was a weird shoot.”

“I’d imagine.” Akira started to bring the coffee to Ann. “Yongen-Jaya isn’t exactly the most glamorous place.”

“That was kinda the point.” Ann rolled her eyes. “They said they wanted to capture ‘something extravagant in a place lacking extravagance.”

“Well gee…” Akira pulled back the coffee just before Ann could take it. “If you’re too good for Yongen, then I guess you’re too good for our coffee too.”

“Come on!” Ann leaned over the counter, reaching for the coffee. “I didn’t say that stuff! The photographer did!”

“So you don’t think you’re too good for Yongen-Jaya?”

“Of course not!”

“And you don’t think it’s ugly?”

“Not at all!”

“And you think it’s the best neighborhood in the world?”

“No.”

“Fair enough.” Akira put the coffee down in front of Ann. “I’ll take two out of three.”

“GUYS! GUYS!” A very loud voice could be heard from outside the cafe.

“Damn it.” Morgana groaned in annoyance. “And we were having such a lovely evening too.”

“GUYS!” Ryuji burst through the door to LeBlanc, covered in sweat and holding a magazine in his hand. “YOU’RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE IT!”

“Believe what?” Ann asked.

“CHECK THIS OUT!” Ryuji ran over to the counter and slammed the magazine on it, almost hitting Morgana. The front was black, and had the Phantom Thieves’ top hat logo on it.

“What’s this?” Morgana took a close look at the magazine. It didn’t seem to be made of the same kind of glossy paper most magazines were made of. The spine seemed to have been done by hand, and the image quality of the Thieves’ logo was a bit blurry. Overall, it didn’t seem like a professional publication. “Did you make it?”

“What? No way!” Ryuji hopped on the bar stool next to Ann. “Some dude was selling these on the street. He said it’s a fan-made zine of art and stories about the Phantom Thieves of Hearts!”

“Really?” Akira walked around the counter with another cup of coffee and sat down next to Ryuji, a curious look in his eyes. “Futaba told me that we had some fans who made art and stuff, but I never imagined there was anything like this out there.”

“How fun!” Ann turned it over, seeing the various masks of the Phantom Thieves displayed on the back. “Should we invite the others over?”

“I think eight of us huddled around one magazine might get a bit uncomfortable” Akira said. “Let’s show them later.”

“Alright!” Ryuji cracked open the magazine. “This is gonna be awesome!”

* * *

******Time Heals, But Scars Remain**  
**_by  
_ ** ******_Vavviv_**

_"No!" Kaneshiro tripped over himself and fell backwards, his big fat ass cushioning the blow. “This can’t be!”_

_“Ohohohoho!” Musketeer laughed as she straightened her big feathered hat, stepping over one of the many unconscious gangsters in the room. She raised her rapier, the tip hovering mere inches from the doughy crime boss’s face. “Thou shouldst not speaketh of impossibilityes to we, knave!”_

_“Dat’s wight-nyan!” Nyanchibi did a twirl, magical kitty sparkles flying off of him in all directions. “Da Phantom Feeves of Hawts awe unbeatabwe-nyan!”_

_“Yeah, right!” Kaneshiro’s flab rippled in protest. “‘Phantom Thieves of Hearts’. You punks can’t really change somebody’s heart! That gym teacher and artist just lost their nerve!”_

_“What the fuck’d you just say, pig-boy!?” Murderess stomped over to Kaneshiro, roughly pushing Musketeer out of the way._

_“Forsooth!” Musketeer barely kept her balance. “How uncouth, milady!”_

_“Listen up, porky!” Murderess crouched down and grabbed Kaneshiro by the collar, teeth bared the whole time. Her face was bleeding from where a goon’s bullet had put a dent in her iron mask, but it only served to make the spike-covered bad girl even more menacing. “We don’t ‘change’ hearts! We steal ‘em!” Murderess raised her free hand, balling it up into a fist. “Let me show you how!”_

_“That’s enough, Murderess!” The scarlet-clad hand of Mr. White wrapped around Murderess’s wrist, and the Phantom Thieves’ leader glared at their most wild and violent member through his alabaster mask. “I know you’re angry because he moves narcotics and you’re a recovering drug addict, but we said we’d handle him the same as all the others!”_

_“YOU DON’T KNOW THIS KIND OF ANGER, WHITE!” Murderess wrenched her hand out of her commander’s. “HE DESERVES TO DIE! SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY!” The vicious thief’s fist shot down towards the corpulent visage of Junya Kaneshiro._

_“Bugeye!” Mr. White turned to his short, red-haired companion. She removed her red goggles, revealing her alien species’ pitch-black eyes, with only the faintest grey iris breaking up the darkness. Her irises turned green, and a matching green aura surrounded Murderess, halting her movement completely._

_“Walk it off” Bugeye said in her three simultaneous voices. The aura dissipated, and a still-pissed Murderess turned around and stormed off._

_“Now then…” Mr. White crouched down and pinched his fingers into the sweaty folds where Kaneshiro’s jaw might have been, directing the crook’s attention to him. “It’s time we had a heart-to-heart, don’t you think, Junya-Kun?”_

_“Yeah-nyan!” Nyanchibi jumped up onto Mr. White’s shoulder, looking into Kaneshiro’s eyes with his own sparkly peepers. “Won’t you tuwn youwsewf into the powice-nyan? Pweeeeeease-nyan?”_

_Murderess was about to leave the room when a yellow-gloved hand fell on her shoulder, taking care not to actually touch any of the spikes._

_“Hold up, chica.” Skeletaro spit on the ground before returning his attention to Murderess. “Where the hell d’ya think you’re goin’?”_

_“I can’t stick around for this” Murderess said. “I can’t stand to see a motherfucker like that live.”_

_“I hear ya, I hear ya.” Skeletaro spit on the ground again. “He’s a real piece o’ shit.”_

_“It’s more than that.”_

_“Yeah?” Skeletaro dug his pinky into his ear and pulled out a lump of wax. “I’m listenin’.”_

_“You wouldn’t get it.” Murderess turned her back to Skeletaro. “You don’t know what it’s like to come back from the edge.”_

_“I dunno…” Skeletaro rolled up one of his sleeves, revealing track marks on his arm. “I might have an idea or two.”_

_“Holy shit!” Murderess looked at the marks, then up into Skeletaro’s eyes. “I… I never knew…”_

_“There’s a lot ya don’t know about me.” Skeletaro stepped forward, wrapping his bared arm around Murderess’s waist. He leaned forward, shoving his tongue into her-_

 

* * *

 

“NOPE!" Ryuji dropped the magazine. “NUH-UH! NO WAY!”

“Don’t stop there!” Ann could barely speak through her laughter. “Come on, let’s find out what happens next!”

“What the hell kinda story is this!?”

“A very imaginative one” Akira said.

“It’s completely ridiculous!” Morgana sneered at the magazine. “They made me a joke! That’s not my cool, suave self at all!”

“Yeah, and what was up with the way Haru talked?” Ann took a deep breath, calming down. “It’s like, I don’t even think they talked like that in old times!”

“Let’s not ignore Futaba the alien” Akira said. “Although she might like that part…”

“Come on, let’s check out another story!” Ann grabbed the magazine and started flipping through the pages.

* * *

****  
**The Final Battle**  
**_By Zur_ _eno_**

_And so, Mr. White and Goro Akechi faced off against one another. They stared each other down, sizing each other up._

_“I can’t believe you faked your death, and made Masayoshi Shido take the fall for your evil plans”. Mr. White snarled, his hands tightening into fists_

_“LET ME AT HIM, I’LL RIP HIS GOD DAMN THROAT OUT!” Murderess said angrily . Skeletaro and Americat had to hold them back._

_“That’s right, I shall wipe humanity off the face of the planet, JUST AS I DID YOUR’S, PRINCESS!” Akechi shuted triumphantly, directing his finger at Bug Eyes._

_“This can’t be, so you were the one who destroyed my home planet”, Bug Eyes fell to her knees, green tears falling to the ground._

_“It’s awight nyan, we’ll make him pay nyan”, Nyan Chibi comforted her alien friend._

_“Don’t worry, I will make sure he faces justice!” Mr. White screamed, tearing off his trenchcoat, as giant devil wings burst from his back._

_“So it finally comes to this, LET US FINALLY SETTLE THIS” Akechi screamed, tearing off his own jacket to reveal a similar pair of wings, as they both took off to the sky._

_“Go comrade, let thine power shine through” Musketeer declared, putting her hat to her chest._

_“Yes”, Kitsune said gracefully._

_Mr White and Akechi Goro flew across the sky, trading blows. Akechi gained the upperhand, and stomped Mr. White into the ground, but Mr. White was kick to retaliate with a ki blast to Akechi face. Akechi dodged it, but while he was distracted, Mr. White jumped and tackled him to the ground, he then punched his face repeatedly._

_Akechi grabbed his fist and threw him aside, summoning a sword of darkness. Mr. White summoned his won sword, as they proceeded to clash, Their blade clashed repeatedly, they were too evenly matched._

_Akechi backs off, “I grow tired of this, now I will show you my true form!” he shouted, as he grew in size, his shaped changed to a giant machine made of platinum gold._

_“THIS IS MY TRUE FORM, SHIN MESSIAH” Akechi shouted, “MY MAGNIFICENT SPLENDOR WILL BE MORE THAN ENOUGH TI FINALLY DEFEAT JESUS AND BUDHA!”_

_“Not if we have anything to say about it, THEIVES, WE MUST SUMMON OUR  ULTIMATE WEAPON”, Mr. White shouted, as all the other thieves nodded._

_They all turned into balls of light, Nyanchibi flew towards the sky, each ball following her and flew towards the sky, her shape changed as she regained her true form, The Phantom King of Hearts, GOD SATAN!_

_“NO! THIS CANNOT BE” Shin Messiah shouted fearfully, he then charged up his final attack, “I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED”_

_“Not on my watch” God Satan remained calm, bringing out his rifle, Final Judgement, and blasting True Messiah in the face before he could even finish charging his attack._

_“This….cannot…be…” True Messiah said, as he vanished into light._

_God Satan gazed at where his enemy fell, the thiefs lefts his body, and reformed back on the ground. God Satan took one last look at his friend, before nodding and vanishing into light._

_No sooner had the great demon angel vanished, did the other thiefs start to go too._

_“So this is being the finish” Americat lamented, her chest heaved in sadness._

_“Yeah chica, we knew that this day would come” Skeletaro said, wrapping an arm around Murderess_

_“My wrath is finally….gone” Murderess smiled, finally feeling at peace for the first time in her life as she leaned into her lover’s embrace._

_“I was finally able to avenge my people, and save your world as well, thank you all” Bug Eye said, crying tears of joy._

_“My brother’s in arms, it has been an honor serving you”, Musketeer closed her eyes, stabbing her saber into the ground._

_“Yes”, Kitsune said gracefully._

_“Everyone”, Mr. White gazed at his team, as they all vanished one by one, “Thank you all.”_

_And then there were none._

* * *

There were a lot of things that could have been said about that story. Questions about how the Phantom Thieves were perceived. They could have discussed the fandom’s notion that Futaba was an alien princess. Or the insistence that Ryuji and Makoto were a couple because they were both violent and scary looking. Or how apparently the memory of Satanael slaying Yaldabaoth still remained deep in the collective consciousness, even if nobody seemed to actively remember it save Akira’s friends. But the room was silent. That bit about the Phantom Thieves all fading away one by one brought back very unpleasant memories. Memories nobody wished to revisit.

“So… Uh…” Akira looked at the others. “One more?”

Ryuji, Ann, and Morgana nodded in silent agreement.

* * *

**_WHEN GOOD CATS GOOOO BAAAD!!!  
_** **_ByFlLimey_ **

_“NYANANANANAN!” The horrible laugh echoed through the vast echoness of space. The Phantom Thieves stared at their friend. No, not friend. Former friend. Not even former._

_“Nyanchibi!” Americat shouted, slammer her small fists onto the glass, bosom bouncing with each pound. “Why? Why you do this?”_

_“Fimple my fweet amercat-nyan! I’ve been made a fool by you Feeves for the wastin’ time-nyan.” Nyanchibi shouted laughing evil and with glee holding up the controller in his small, soft, delicate, paws. “Foon, da fantom feeves vil be injected into fpace and I shall be the one great feef-NYAN!”_

_“NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Americat screamed dramatically. Her chest bounced with each waile._

_“Please don’t!” Mr. White pleaded with large, demure eyes. “Nyanchibi, I know you really do not want to do this.”_

_“Filence Mr. White!” Nyanchibi said, “You do not know vat it is I feel. My fuffering because you you feeves-Nyan! Lucky you I have a new feef to carry out my plans.”_

_It was then a figure stepped stepped out from the shadows, a figure wearing a mask of death. The thieves gasped dramatically._

_“WHo is THAT?” Skeletaro asked as a person in black as dark as the night appeared before them. “No! It can’t be! Not him/her!”_

_Indeed it was him/her glaring at the fatnom thieves with a murderous grin on his/her face. He grinned murderously. “Yes, me, and thanks to my new sidekick!”_

_“Fidekick?!” Nyantaro shouted in shock. “I fot we had a deal-nyan! I vuld be leader and you fidekick!”_

_“Oh foolish feline! Did you really think after I caught the Phatnom Thieves I would let you have all the glory?” The man/woman/person asked in amused amusement. “I’ll give you 30%.”_

_No!” Nyanchibi shouted, “No deal, now let go of my friends!”_

_Nyanchibi threw the controller into the wall and just as it freely broke the Phantom Thives from their prison. The barrier want down freeing them from their prison and Amercat hurried over and grabed Nyanchibi in her sexy, slim, sexy arms. “Nyanchibi! I knew you’d never betray us!” She shouted in hapiness as she squeezed Nyanchibi between her soft, youthful tities._

_“Nyaaaaannnn~” Nyanchibi swooned, loving the feel he was experiencing. Mr. White looked to them but then turned to their adversary. He pointed the finger at him._

_“Now fiend!” He declared, “We will CHANGE YUR HEART!”_

_And so they did! and in glorious spectabable far to great to describe for this work they sucessfully changed the villains heard and Nyanchibi got the recognizion he deserved as an important member of the thieves. And the girl. The ends!_

* * *

“Uh…” Akira looked up to the ceiling. “That was… Uh…”

“What the hell was that!?” Ann leaned away from the magazine, balancing on the edge of her stool. “What kind of creep writes something like that!?”

“That’s it!” Ryuji tossed the magazine over his shoulder. “I can’t take any more of this crap!”

“Yeah…” Ann shook her head. “I mean, I guess it’s nice people still care about us, but…”

“Why did it have to be these people?” Morgana slumped over as he whined. “And that last one...I’d never betray the Phantom Thieves like that!”

“What about that one time you ran away?”

“Come on, it’s not THAT bad” Akira said before Ryuji and Morgana could start arguing. “I think it’s cool that we have fans who are this passionate and creative.”

“Yeah,” Ryuji said, “but like, couldn’t they have some effin’ talent?”

“Like _you_ could do better,” Ann snarked.

“Hey, I know what I’m good and bad at, ok!?” Ryuji groaned. “I get that different people like different stuff and all, but if they’re chargin’ cash for this, they oughta get better folks workin’ on it.”

“I guess you’ve got a point there,” Akira said. “But who’s out there making stuff that’s good enough to sell?”


	2. Thoughts on Fame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the Phantom Thieves learn about the versions of themselves in the Phandom's collective consciousness.

“So this has been going on the whole time!?”

Akira and Morgana sat on the bed in Futaba’s room, staring at the back of the pint-sized hacker as she tapped away at her keyboard. They had come over to show her the ridiculous fanzine Ryuji had found, only to be introduced to the vast, wondrous, and somewhat horrifying world of Phantom Thieves fan content.

“I mean, I guess that depends on what you mean by ‘the whole time’.” Futaba spun around in her chair, moving to the side so her guests could see the screen. She pointed to a drawing on the left side of the screen of Skull and Queen — or Skeletaro and Murderess, as the fans called them — kissing. “Actual art and fics and doujinshi and stuff of us only dates back to Shido’s calling card, since nobody had any idea what we looked like before then.” Futaba then pointed to the right side which displayed a stylized image of a group of burglars sneaking through the shadows. “Before then, people just kind of imagined whatever they wanted. Some of them even made original Thiefsonas! They still do that now, actually.”

“And you never told us about this?” Akira asked. “Why?”

“Well I figured once we couldn’t be the Phantom Thieves anymore that you guys didn’t wanna linger on the past, and that seeing artwork of us in our outfits going on new adventures would just depress everybody.”

“This is unforgivable!” Morgana shouted. “You should have told us about this development immediately! Now all these strangers have these ridiculous ideas about us! If we had known about it sooner, we could’ve controlled the narrative!”

“First of all…” Futaba held out a finger to Morgana. “You can’t control fandom. People will make up whatever they want no matter what you say or do. Even my hacking skills can’t change how people behave on the Internet. And secondly…” Futaba turned back to her computer. “I don’t see a need for control. I like what people have come up with.”

“Of course you would!” Morgana’s fur stood up on end. “Everybody thinks you’re some kind of psychic alien princess! But my suave gentlemanly image is being tarnished by this infantile caricature of me!”

“What are you talking about?” Futaba asked. “Everybody loves Nyanchibi! He’s the adorable mascot of the Phantom Thieves!”

“I am not adorable!”

“Yes you are.” Futaba turned back to Morgana and grabbed his cheeks. “Face it Mona, ‘cool’ just isn’t your brand. The sooner you accept that, the happier you’ll be.”

“Joker!” Morgana struggled, trying to escape Futaba’s grasp. “Make her stop!”

“I don’t get it.” Akira laid back on the bed, ignoring Morgana’s cry for help. “‘Mr. White’?”

* * *

“So it’s based entirely on your mask?”

Yusuke bit into a Jagariko stick as he and Akira watched people passing through Shibuya Station.

“It’s not just that.” Akira paused to take a sip of Dr. Salt. “According to Futaba, the Phandom seems to think I’m some kind of aloof professional from the way everybody else introduced me in our calling card for Shido. So Mr. White is strictly business.”

“I see.” Yusuke chuckled. “It’s ironic, isn’t it? Our fans’ perception of you is the complete opposite of how you acted as Joker.”

“What are you talking about?” Akira couldn’t help but feel a little insulted. “I was the leader! I was very professional!”

“Don’t misunderstand, I’m not denying your capabilities.” Yusuke shook his head. “But as Joker, you acted with a certain joie de vivre. Everything you did had a dramatic flair to the action, be it words spoken with a coy smile or an extra twirl of the wrist when defeating an enemy. What was it that Ann used to call your behavior?” Yusuke shut his eyes in thought, only to give a slight grin as the answer came to him. “Ah, yes. I believe on numerous occasions she stated that you were ‘so extra’.”

“Uh-huh.” Akira gave Yusuke a smug, self-satisfied smile. “And what about you? I’d say Kitsune is a lot calmer than Fox was.”

“In what regard?”

“Well, Kitsune is portrayed as this stoic samurai who’s a man of few words. Where you are…” Akira scratched his head as he tried to find the right words. “More verbose.”

“I welcome the interpretation” Yusuke said. “If people perceive me to be quiet, that means they won’t have me saying anything ridiculous in their stories, unlike the others.”

“I mean, if that’s what you want.” Akira tilted his head back. “Though I guess that’s what makes Kitsune the least-popular.”

“I beg your pardon!?” Yusuke’s brow furrowed.

“What, Futaba didn’t tell you?” Akira shrugged. “That’s weird, I thought she would’ve already, considering how much she likes getting a rise out of you.”

“Explain yourself.” Yusuke gave Akira a very rare hostile glare. “NOW.”

“Well…” Akira stepped away a little, actually a bit freaked out by the artist’s unexpected outburst. “Because Kitsune is the quiet one, he’s usually depicted as the one with the least personality. So a lot of people in the Phandom find him boring and he has the least amount of art and stories about him.”

“‘BORING’!?” Yusuke’s grasp around his pack of Jagariko tightened, crushing the potato sticks. Ordinarily he’d have immediately noticed what he’d done and bemoaned the waste of such delectable morsels, but he was far too incensed to care about food right now. “This is unacceptable! Who is the most popular!?”

“Well…” Akira tried to remember the rundown Futaba gave him. “I think the girls are. At least, Ann and Futaba seem to have the most fan-art from what I saw.”

“Of course.” Yusuke was so surly that for a second Akira thought he was going to spit on the ground. “The layman has no appreciation for quiet dignity. The masses will always teeter hopelessly towards sex appeal.”

Akira decided not to mention they only ever met Yusuke because he wanted to paint Ann naked.

“I must find a way to rectify this.” Yusuke closed his eyes and held his hand up before his face, grasping at nothing in particular as if trying to pluck ideas from the very air itself. “I believe I shall paint my own rendition of ‘Kitsune’, one so splendid that it makes the rest of the world appreciate him for the noble warrior that he is!”

“You do that” Akira said nervously. “Just don’t reveal your identity as a Phantom Thief in the process.”

* * *

“So yeah, that’s Yusuke’s next project.”

Akira was sitting down in a cafe with Ann and Haru in the Underground Mall. He and Haru were sipping tea while Ann went to town on a crepe.

“I can’t believe he freaked out like that” Ann said between mouthfuls. “That’s totally unlike Yusuke.”

“Well, he has his pride, you know.” Akira leaned back in his chair. “I didn’t think he had that much pride, though.”

“I feel bad for Yusuke-Kun.” Haru hummed as she sipped her tea. “Perhaps I should write my own story about Kitsune! Do you think that would cheer him up?”

“You want to write fanfiction about us?” Akira asked.

“Why not?” Haru put down her tea. “I’ve been reading some of the stories online. I think it would be fun!”

“You have?” Akira leaned forward. “So… what do you think of the whole Musketeer debate?”

“I find it very amusing.” Haru giggled.

“What debate?” Ann asked.

“Some people think Haru’s a man” Akira said.

“What!?”

“It seems my Noir outfit makes it difficult to tell my gender in silhouette” Haru said. “Some argue that the clothes are just puffy because it fits the ‘Musketeer’ aesthetic, while others argue that I’m obviously a woman.”

“But didn’t somebody do some editing to see the colors of our outfits?” Ann paused to finish off her crepe. “They should be able to see the pink, right?”

“Boys can wear pink too, Ann-Chan.”

“I know that! I’m just saying, you’re so clearly a girl! Doesn’t it bug you at all?”

“Not really.” Haru smiled. “The fan art of the male version of Musketeer makes him look rather dashing. I find it flattering, personally.”

“I like the part where the artists who think you’re a guy decide to do a genderswap and then draw you as a woman.” Akira chuckled. “Part of me wants to tell them that they’re closer to reality than they know, but I just don’t have the heart.”

“Wait…” Ann frowned. “So people will just draw you whatever gender they want, no matter what you actually are?”

“Pretty much.”

“Does that mean there are drawings of me as a guy!?”

“Yeah.”

“Is there something wrong with that, Ann-Chan?” Haru asked.

“I dunno…” Ann hugged her arms to her chest. “I know they’re just pictures, but there’s still something kinda creepy about it. Like, I get the Phantom Thieves are this whole other thing in peoples’ minds, but it’s still kinda weird that people can just make up another version of a real person, you know?”

“I understand what you mean, Ann-Chan, but is it really that different from what people do already?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when you think about it, can anybody truly claim to know another person perfectly?” Haru sipped down the last of her tea. “Everybody keeps secrets, even from close friends and family. Nobody ever knows everything going on in somebody’s head, meaning there’s always a part of somebody you don’t know, and so you have to fill in the blanks. When you consider that, the person you know isn’t exactly that person, but what you perceive them to be. And your perception could be a very close facsimile, but it’s never going to be a 100% accurate reflection of that person. In this way, everybody’s interpretation of somebody else is their own invention.”

Ann stared at Haru blankly, clearly not understanding the point she was getting at. Akira also gawked at Haru, not because of the words she said, but the fact that she was the one who said them. He by no means thought of Haru as stupid, but he’d never heard her wax philosophical either. Realizing Haru was waiting for somebody else to say something, Akira cleared his throat.

“Ann,” Akira said, “you do realize this means there are drawings of Ryuji as a girl, right?”

“WHAT!?” Ann broke out into uproarious laughter, banging her fist on the table. She tried to say something else, but kept losing her breath, wheezing in laughter. Finally, she managed to get control of herself long enough to shout out two words:

“SHOW ME!”

* * *

“A girl, huh?”

Ryuji wasn’t looking at Akira, instead focused on the light gun game he was playing with Makoto.

“Do they at least make me a hot girl?” Ryuji asked.

“THAT’S the first question you have!?” Makoto asked.

“What?” Ryuji shrugged as he shot another zombie in the face. “If somebody drew you as a dude, would you wanna drawn as some ugly bruiser, or would you wanna look handsome?”

“Well…” Makoto sighed. “Handsome, I suppose.”

“So?” Ryuji looked over his shoulder at Akira. “Which is it? Am I hot?”

“I wasn’t exactly focused on that” Akira said. “I mean, you weren’t ugly, I guess. The girl Skeletaro is usually drawn as kind of a yankee delinquent.”

“Awesome.”

“I don’t understand why you’re all so obsessed with what our fans think” Makoto said. “The Phantom Thieves are over. We can’t recapture the magic by looking at drawings of ourselves.”

“You’re just pissed ‘cuz you don’t like how they see you” Ryuji said.

“That has nothing to do with it!” Makoto started shooting enemies with more ferocity. “I just think we should all focus on our futures instead of living in the past!”

“If you say so” Akira said.

“I DO say so!” Makoto’s shoulders tensed up as she kept firing. “And furthermore, even if I WERE upset about my portrayal, which I’m NOT, I would have every right to be so! Because I believe in justice, and I joined the group in the first place because I wanted to help people and make the world better, and because I never liked that outfit to begin with, and now because of it people are characterizing me as some kind of violence-obsessed psychopath who LITERALLY MURDERS PEOPLE, which couldn’t be further from the truth!”

The screen flashed with a congratulatory message for beating the game.

“Oh, look!” Makoto pointed to the top of the screen excitedly. “I got a new high score! I’ve never done so well at this game before! How’d you do, Ryuji?”

Makoto turned to where Ryuji had been standing, only to realize that he wasn’t there and had not been standing there for a minute now. She turned around to see Akira and Ryuji a few feet away from her, staring at her warily.

“Maybe we should find something else to play” Akira said. “Something less aggressive.”

“Yes.” Makoto started blushing violently. “Perhaps we should.”

“Nobody’s playin’ the dance machine right now” Ryuji said.

“Oh, I don’t know…” Makoto looked down at the ground in shame. “I’m not much of a dancer.”

“’S’cool, me neither” Ryuji said. “‘Sides, it ain’t real dancin’ anyway. You just gotta stomp on the arrows at the right time.”

“And that’s fun?” Makoto looked back up at the boys, her face having returned to its normal color.

“Yeah” Akira said. “Come on, we’ll show you the ropes.”

After that, the Phantom Thieves stopped discussing their fan-made counterparts.


	3. The Fall of Masayoshi Shido

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Phantom Thieves take on their greatest foe yet with the help of a mysterious new ally.

It was all down to the wire now. The election was only one day away. Unless the Phantom Thieves stole Masayoshi Shido’s heart and got him to confess to all his crimes, he was going to become the next Prime Minister of Japan and run the country into the ground all for his own gain.

A police barricade surrounded the Diet Building. Not that the Phantom Thieves were surprised. After their video calling card had been broadcasted all over Japan, it would be strange if Shido hadn’t increased security. Although admittedly, this was a bit more than they were expecting.

“Wowzers.” Americat absentmindedly twirled her tail in her hand as she looked out at the sea of red and blue lights before. “That’s, like, totes an army of cops.”

“Aye, ’tis a sad sight indeed” Musketeer said. “To think, that vile Shido hath corrupted this country’s law enforcement for his own twisted ends!”

“You act like that’s new.” Skeletaro spit on the ground. “The cops’ve always been shit.”

“Forsooth, my companion!” Musketeer stared daggers at Skeletaro. “Thou shouldst not speak so cavalierly of the constabulary!”

“Enough, you two” Mr. White said sternly. “If I have to hear the pair of you bicker about the virtues and vices of the police again, then I’m gonna let Shido and his goons kill me for real this time.”

“Sorry, bossman” Skeletaro said.

“Aye,” Musketeer said, “thou hast my humblest apologies.”

“So what’s the plan?” Murderess asked. “We going in swinging?”

“Don’t be widicuwous, nyan!” Nyanchibi shouted. “We’we thieves, nyan! We do things sneakiwy, nyan!”

“Actually, Murderess has the right idea” Mr. White said.

“Surely you jest” Kitsune said.

“Bugeye…” Mr. White turned to his alien companion. “Give me a scan of the building.”

“Very well, Mr. White.” Bugeye shut her eyes and a green aura surrounded her head as her hair began to float upwards. After a minute, this stopped, and she opened her eyes. “My psychic scan detects dozens of brain signatures on every floor of the building. It seems there is not a point we could attempt to infiltrate where we would not immediately encounter a fight.”

“Yes, I expected as much. Which is why we’re going to take the direct approach.” Mr. White grinned as he cracked his knuckles through his red gloves. “Besides, after being forced to fake my death, I’ve got some aggression to work out.”

Mr. White held his hands up to his mask and fanned out his fingers. Instantly, his mask started glowing, and after a moment, white lights started to swirl around his digits. He pointed his hands out out towards the sea of police before him and the lights shot outwards, ten balls scattering all over the place. When they connected with either a cop or the ground, they exploded like grenades, blowing up cars and sending police flying.

Mr. White turned to the others with a grin.

“That’s your cue, Phantom Thieves.”

“FUCK YEAH IT IS!” Skeletaro had already mounted his motorcycle, driving forwards and dragging a long pipe against the ground, sparks following in his wake. “LET’S KICK SOME ASS!”

“Now’s our time, Nyanchibi!” Amerikat ran after the group’s resident delinquent.

“OKAY, NYAN!” Nyanchibi jumped at the shapely lady-thief, latching onto her back, a red aura surrounding both of them. “Time fow ouw secwet technique, nyan!”

“KITTY POWER!” the two yelled together.

Amerikat and Nyanchibi fused together, turning into a giant were-cat with dark red fur. The creature charged after Skeletaro, swiping at the police with claws sharp enough to cut through steel. The cat monster and the delinquent went on a rampage together, their combined attack in addition to Mr. White’s opening volley completely distracting the first wave of police as the rest of the Thieves snuck into the Diet Building through the front door.

The second they were in, they faced a wall of security guards in black suits. One of them, a big strong guard built like a brick wall, spoke up.

“We’re not letting you see the assemblyman.”

“We’re not asking permission.” Murderess cracked her knuckles. “Now get out of our way or else.”

“Or else what?” The wall-man smirked. “You think a group of kids can take all of us?”

“Nah.” Murderess launched forward, punching the man hard enough to break his nose, flooring him with one blow. “Just me.”

Five guards jumped at Murderess in response. She tensed up, ready to counter-attack, but was cut off by Musketeer charging in, slashing them with her rapier.

“What the hell are you doing!?” Murderess yelled.

“T’would be horrible to allow so many to gang up on a single opponent!” Musketeer flicked the blood off her blade and stood proudly. “I shall be thine companion in this fight, my friend!”

“Whatever.” Murderess huffed. “Just don’t get in my way.”

The two began to take the rest of the guards on as the others made their way up the stairs. Along the way, a group of ninjas ambushed them, but Kitsune silently began battle with them, leaving Bugeye and Mr. White to wonder where he had disappeared to. When they reached Shido’s office, Bugeye began screaming and fell to her knees, grabbing her head.

“What’s wrong!?” Mr. White asked.

“A malevolent energy coming from there…” Bugeye pointed to the door to Shido’s office. “Too powerful… so much noise in my psychic senses… I can’t get any closer.”

“Stay here then.” Mr. White marched towards the door. “I’ll take care of Shido myself.”

Mr. White kicked the door in and found Shido sitting at his desk.

“So, the leader of the Phantom Thieves has decided to grace me with his presence.” Shido grinned at Mr. White, staying seated coolly. “Come to congratulate me on my new position?”

“If you mean your new position behind bars once I change your heart, then yes.”

“So that’s how it’s going to be.” Shido stood up and shook his head. “Fine then.”

Black bile began leaking from Shido’s face like when Kunikazu Okumura died on TV, but instead of being in pain, Shido seemed elated. He laughed wickedly as more and more of the dark substance poured out of him, flowing all over his skin and forming an ebony shell around him. Shido’s voice distorted and his teeth turned into fangs.

“COME ON THEN, PHANTOM THIEF!”

“Oh, I will.” Mr. White summoned energy to his fingers and fired it at his opponent. The white energy exploded against Shido’s shell, putting cracks in it, but they quickly healed. “What!?”

“YOU FOOL!” Shido reached out to Mr. White, his arm extending and grabbing the leader of the Phantom Thieves by the neck. He pulled Mr. White to him, close enough to feel his breath. “You think your little tricks will work on me!? I’m the man who will rule this country, then the world!”

“I DON’T THINK SO!”

A young man in blue robotic armor crashed down through the ceiling, two extra robotic arms splitting off from the arms of his suit like the god Vishnu. His two real arms wrapped around the politician’s chest as the robotic arms hammered against his chest, forming cracks in his armor again. They continued their assault like a quartet of jackhammers, eventually exposing his human belly.

“NOW, PHANTOM THIEF!” The newcomer yelled at Mr. White. “FINISH IT!”

Mr. White grinned and summoned a light to a single finger. He pushed through the choking and blasted Shido’s gut point blank, eliciting a scream from the corrupt Diet Member. All of Shido’s armor cracked away in an instant, and he dropped Mr. White as he collapsed, both of them hitting the ground. A metal-clad hand extended itself to Mr. White.

“Are you alright?” The young man looked down at Mr. White through his robot suit’s yellow visor.

“Yeah.” Mr. White took the metal hand and rose to his feet. “Thanks for the assist. Who are you?”

The young man laugh and removed his helmet, revealing dark-blue hair and black eyes.

“I’m your new ally. My name’s

* * *

“My name’s… Um… Uh…”

Mishima groaned as he took his hands off the keyboard. He’d spent a while thinking up his Phantom Thief OC, a super cool robot-assisted fighter, but he could never think of a good name for the character. He sat at his desk, staring at the computer screen, before closing his word processor and dumping the .doc file in the trash.

“I can’t be doing stuff like this” Mishima mumbled sadly. “The admin of the Phan-Site has to be above such juvenile things. Besides, what would Amamiya and the others say if they ever found out I tried writing self-insert fic?”


End file.
